YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
