so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
