worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
