WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
