so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
