i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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