I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
