Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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