You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
