I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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