Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
