In the future we'll all be gay
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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