I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
