I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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