Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
