Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
