This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
