If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
