He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sarcasm needs its own font
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
