Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
