if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
