brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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