So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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