bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
