I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
its not stalking. its research.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
