What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
