There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
