But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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