I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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