Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
