wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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