covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
