you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
