As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
