sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
