So drunk its hurt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
