I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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