well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
