so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
