just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
