Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
