Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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