I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
