I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
