i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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