Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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