Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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