$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
