4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
