When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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