Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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